Author: Max Ikari
Pairings: Yohji/Aya
Warnings: Romance, sap, yaoi. This is a songfic based on
the song "Here with me" by Michelle Branch. I was just
listening to it and I got and idea for this (oh God, I am
getting so obsessed). Well I hope you like it.
Here with Me
//It's been a long, long time since I looked into the
mirror
I guess that I was blind
Now my reflection's getting clearer
Now that you're gone things will never be the same again//
I lean on the railing overlooking the sea wondering where I
would be today had I not joined Weiss. Dead, alive? Who
knows, but one thing was true, I would have never fallen in
love. Even though I hate to admit it, I had feelings for
somebody that did not include his sister. Yohji had
managed to get through my defenses. That only came about
because Yohji was so stubborn. I smiled at that thought.
Who would have thought I would be smiling when thinking
about Yohji?
//There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day
You're such a part of me
But I just pulled away
Well, I'm not the same girl
you used to know
I wish I said the words I never showed//
It had all started so innocently, Yohji coming after me
trying to get me to open up. I had pushed Yohji away so
many times; I just thought the blonde would give up.
However, on a mission Yohji got injured protecting me. I
couldn’t understand why I felt so miserable, why my hands
shook when I saw all the damage or why I almost felt like
crying when I finally left Yohji’s side and went to bed.
Why the next morning the first thing I did was to check up
on Yohji and how my heart slowed when I saw that Yohji was
conscious. How my body seemed to heat up when Yohji
caressed my cheek and said it was okay.
//I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me//
How happy I was with just having to sleep in the embrace of
Yohji’s arms, to be put to sleep by the faint beat of his
heart. How I had never appreciated Yohji when I had him.
Now I wished I had told him he did matter, that I did care
what happened to him, that….that I loved him…
//You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your
heart
And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong
and true
But I was scared and left it all behind//
I was so cold to Yohji when the blond asked me to go live
with him. I had panicked, living together meant
commitment. Everyone I had ever loved, I had lost. I
didn’t want to lose him, I wanted to explain, but the only
thing that came out were cold remarks about how he should
go find himself a woman if he wanted so much to live with
someone. How he should go and marry a woman.
//I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me//
After that it was never the same. When we made love there
was a sense of desperation from Yohji’s part, almost a kind
of brutality. Yohji was still mad at me. I thought that
Yohji had only been after sex, and if given sex he would be
happy. Yohji had wanted somebody to love, somebody to love
him back. He wanted me to love him back.
//And I'm asking
And I'm wanting you to come back to me
Please?//
I had not realized how important Yohji was in my life until
he was gone. I should have seen it coming. Whenever Yohji
laid eyes on me, the blonde had a sad longing expression.
I had never understood what it had meant until it was too
late. That weekend we had gone to a cabin that overlooked
the sea. It had been the best time I remembered ever
having. We were so focused on each other that nothing else
mattered. We had been seating in the balcony, Yohji
smoking a cigarette and I was reading a book.
"Aya promise me something," said Yohji after he had been
looking my direction for a while. I closed the book and
looked at Yohji.
" What?" I had asked softly.
" That no matter what happens you will never forget me.
That you will always wait for me," said Yohji looking at
me. It was at that moment that I realized that I not only
cared for this man, but that I loved him. I didn’t even
think twice before answering.
" I swear it," I had answered and had smiled back. That
night I gave myself completely to Yohji.
//I never will forget that look upon
your face
How you turned away and left
without a trace
But I understand that you did what you had to do
And I thank you//
A month later Yohji left. The blonde had not left me; he
had left to give me space to be with my sister. Yohji had
done it so I wouldn’t have to choose. I remember feeling
betrayed when I entered Yohji’s room to tell him that Aya
was awake and saw him seating on the bed with a suitcase at
his feet.
" What’s this?"
" I’m leaving," said Yohji quietly. He sounded sad.
" Why?" I hated the fact that my voice had trembled. I
didn’t want Yohji to leave; I wanted to be with him.
" Your sister is alive, so you need to be there for her,"
said Yohji getting up and picking the suitcase. "Here."
The blonde threw a small box at me. I had looked at him
wondering what he meant and when I opened it, it had been a
silver chain with an emerald pendant.
" What?" I asked confused.
" So you remember me. You said once that my eyes were the
color of emeralds. Don’t ever forget the promise you made
me," the blonde had said.
" My promise?"
" You are going to wait for me. I am coming back, I
swear," the blonde had said before kissing me goodbye.
//I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me//
" Oniichan come and see this,"
I hear the voice of Aya calling me. I turn from the
railing walking to where she is waving at me. I smile at
her thinking how much I wish Yohji were here. I am glad I
met him, I am glad he thought me how to smile again, how to
be human again.
How he taught me how to love.
" Arigato Yohji…ai shiteiru…."