Author: White Kiss - PG-13 - English - Romance
Winter ~ Snowdrop: Part Three //Youji & Aya//
Notes:
Weiss Kreuz is property of Koyasu Takehito, Kyoko
Tsuchiya, Marine Entertainment, and Project Weiss.
This fic was inspired by a lot of Savage Garden.
- White Kiss [formerly Rina Garet]
03/25/02, 3:57 pm
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What am I doing?
Lying here in a cold bed, without him. Without him to hold close, without him to share warmth. One word repeating itself over and over in my mind.
"Nothing."
Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
God.
You'd think I would learn.
You'd think I would have been prepared for it. You'd think I would have expected it. After all, I've done it to so many women.
Payback's a bitch.
Then again, it shouldn't bother me so much. Nothing else I've ever done has mattered. Nothing has meant anything. Why should I have expected this to? Why should it have meant something for him this time?
Because I actually cared, this time.
Without even realizing it, my hand crept up to my shoulder, fingertips brushing over the designs imprinted in the black ink.
I won't learn.
I'll keep making the same mistakes, and I'll never learn.
I'll cry my tears in the dark, put on a smile in the light, and be everything that I've worked so hard to pretend I am.
I've cried my last tear for him. At least, that's what I'm telling myself. I can still lie so easily.
The lies don't hurt anymore.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
What am I doing?
Standing out here underneath his window, like a ghost in the night. A crimson shadow, blood against the darkness.
I broke every bridge. Crushed every link. Cut every tie.
So what's keeping me here?
His window is dark.
He's probably gotten over me. He wasn't one to keep lovers very long. I can almost see through the wall, see him lying in bed with whomever he'd picked out this night, touching them like he touched me.
For a fleeting moment, I can feel his hands.
It's not him. Not him. It's the wind. A cold, biting wind that rustles my coat, plays with my hair, and whips softly by, leaving no traces in its wake.
My eyes are stinging, but it's just the wind. Nothing more.
I'm not crying.
Ran Fujimiya doesn't cry anymore.
Ran Fujimiya cried on the day his sister left him. Aya Fujimiya cried on the last day he smiled.
Warmth spills down my cheeks, but I don't feel it. It's not his warmth, and that's all that matters.
Why did I do it?
I threw him away. I threw him away before he could throw me away.
Kamisama…
That's why I left. Not for my sister. Not for her, for once. I left… because I didn't want him to get tired of me. I didn't want to be the one walked away from.
I wanted to be the one to walk away. I refused to let him hurt me. I refused to let him tell me it was over. No one was ever going to hurt me again. Be the one who hurts, not the one hurting.
I only realized too late that he would never have hurt me.
Kamisama… kamisama, kamisama, kamisama.
I look up once more.
Are you answering me? It's snowing. Softly. Soundlessly.
My cheeks are damp, but it's only from the snow.
I'm not crying.
Ran Fujimiya doesn't cry anymore.
I'm crying. I can't lie to myself anymore.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Ran Fujimiya cried on the night he realized the love he'd lost.