(monolithic play in two or three breaths)
translation by Phylomena Chandler and Pierre Charcellay
original title : Le caillou de Monsieur Pierre
Mister Stone’s story was performed in Bristol in april 2000, produced by Adra and directed by Phylomena Chandler.
Acting : Luis Cébrian-Ercoles, Sergio Matamala, Pierre Charcellay, Florence Elts, Basma Howarth, Christel Stoecker, Mitsuyo Kobo-Richards.
CHARACTERS:
MISTER STONE
ANATOLE
THE STRANGER
Mrs ERMONT
(the old lady)
THE NURSE
(called this because she wears nurses clothes)
THE YOUNG WOMAN
Mr Stone, Mrs Ermont, Anatole and The Stranger are in a room in which scenery is a table and a few chairs and armchairs. They are sitting and seem to be waiting for something. The Stranger is reading. Mrs Ermont coughs from time to time. Mr Stone seems serene. Anatole shows agitation. Entrances and exits are two doors on both sides of the scene (door A and door B).
A long pause before the entrance of the nurse through door B.
THE NURSE
Ladies and gentlemen, the next interview is delayed for a while for inexplicable reasons. We shall give you more information as soon as we think it is necessary.
(She slips out through the same door. Now a moment of silence.)
Mrs ERMONT
For goodness sake! Did you hear that? Who do they think we are?
Mr STONE
Yes, this is a bit off-hand.
Mrs ERMONT
Off-hand? You call this off-hand? For my part I call this insolence! For goodness sake! Have you heard this impudent creature: The next interview is delayed for a while for inexplicable reasons!
Mr STONE
At least it is quite clear.
Mrs ERMONT
(a pause). Do you really think it is quite clear?
Mr STONE
Somehow, yes. I would prefer that instead of: The next interview will take place in fifteen minutes (dreaming)... This notion of time... I have never fully understood what it corresponds to... Regarding for inexplicable reasons, well then I shall stand up on my chair and clap very hard.
(
He does so, then comes off his chair and continues to speak while moving in front of the audience).
What modesty in this confession to powerlessness! What frankness! What courage! Do you realise: : for inexplicable reasons... She could have said: for some reason we do not know yet; or worse, to give false reasons: because of a computer breakdown. Or because of an overbooked timetable, or a management failure. No! She said for in-ex-pli-ca-ble reasons!... Ah what a sense of propriety! What beauty! Yes, I repeat, what beauty.
(He sits down again. Silence.)
THE STRANGER
(suddenly looking up from his book and pompously declaiming)
Abuti rebusfang macogem lemdac nouvaperec simulo ponoklivatch!
ANATOLE
What did he say? (to the Stranger) Can we know what you just said? (silence of the Stranger, getting immersed again in his reading). I object! Sir prefers not to give any explanation! He prefers to keep it to himself! He doesn't care about anybody else!
Mr STONE
Leave him, if he prefers not to say anything...
ANATOLE
All right... There is nothing to it! One stands up, says something in an incomprehensible language and then sits down as though nothing has happened! You know... I have been around!
Mr STONE
(after a while)
So what?
ANATOLE
(suddenly loosing his temper)
So I'm beginning to get fed up waiting! You understand? What is going on here? What is it, this comedy we have to play! I am not here to put on a show, do you understand? I am here to live my life.
(he sits down again)
Mr STONE
(Soothingly)
Well, I think you exaggerate. Aren't you a kind of pessimist?
(Anatole starts stammering unintelligible words. He takes a newspaper from his bag and starts to noisily leaf through it.)
Mr STONE
Is the news good? (no answer) You feel free to teach altruism, but don't bother to look up when somebody speaks kindly to you!... (to the old lady) What do you think, Madam?
Mrs ERMONT
What I want to know is why we have to wait...
Mr STONE
Again? They told you earlier, dear Madam. You have to trust them.
Mrs ERMONT
Still... I'd like to understand...
THE STRANGER
(as before)
Gourai lavujoka apo linerouk seta bukari lova guarani peplum recavolak.
Mrs ERMONT
He seems to know many things, this gentleman... it's a pity he's got no manners.
Mr STONE
Is that so? You too think it's bad mannered to speak in a foreign language?
Mrs ERMONT
Indeed! How is it possible to understand? I do need to understand things.
Mr STONE
Why?
Mrs ERMONT
(taken aback)
What do you mean, why?
Mr STONE
Why do you need to understand things?
Mrs ERMONT
Well, erm...
ANATOLE
(suddenly looking up from his newspaper)
Have you finished bullying this poor lady?
Mr STONE
Hi! You've woken up?
ANATOLE
Have you finished bullying her?
Mr STONE
Bullying? Come off it! I just asked her a very friendly question.
ANATOLE
(loudly)
There are questions you do not ask. And you know very well why...
(Pause. The old lady opens her bag and takes out a sheet of paper. She reads it with difficulty)
Mr STONE
Is this your letter?
Mrs ERMONT
Yes, I want to check the time... but I can't see it...
Mr STONE
Give it to me, I'll have a look for you (she gives him the sheet). Let's see... Mrs Juliette Ermont... is this your name?
Mrs ERMONT
Ermont, this is it, with a T at the end.
Mr STONE
(he reads)
Madame Juliette Ermont, due to the circumstances you know, we ask you to come to office 437, in order to proceed with your application. To do so, we suggest you follow to the letter the instructions overleaf. We would advise you not to be late, as any delay would be misunderstood... Here we are that's all. At the back there are instructions how to get here... Did you follow them to the letter?
Mrs ERMONT
Yes, I think so... I'm here, aren't I?
Mr STONE
Indeed.
Mrs ERMONT
So there is no time, then?
Mr STONE
No.
Mrs ERMONT
Yet I remember seeing...
Mr STONE
What time?
Mrs ERMONT
Well, I don't know...
Mr STONE
It's not important. Time doesn't matter. The main thing is to be punctual.
Mrs ERMONT
Right. Anyway, I'm in the right place.
Mr STONE
Yes, you are where you should be. You don't have to worry.
Mrs ERMONT
It's very kind of you.
Mr STONE
You are very welcome, dear Madam.
(We hear Anatole sigh. After a while, the old lady starts again.)
Mrs ERMONT
(to Mr Stone)
And you, haven't you received a letter?
Mr STONE
I don't know. At home, my wife used to open the mail. As I've been here so long...
Mrs ERMONT
You should know where the room is for...
Mr STONE
It is the door at the back there...
(She stands up and goes towards the door A; she walks with difficulty. Suddenly, she realises she has forgotten her bag, comes back for it, then exits door A)
ANATOLE
Oh dear!
Mr STONE
What's the matter?
ANATOLE
Oh dear!
Mr STONE
Well?
ANATOLE
(As if to change the subject)
Waiting so much becomes boring. (he yawns noisily)
Mr STONE
I'm not bored; waiting is my favorite occupation.
ANATOLE
You are lucky!
Mr STONE
I'm not here exactly by chance, you know.
ANATOLE
Aren't you? Are you a volunteer?
Mr STONE
Somehow, yes. Waiting is my favorite occupation.
ANATOLE
What an occupation! I suppose you are a kind of optimist, with no limit?
Mr STONE
No, a limited optimist.
THE STRANGER
(as before)
Oral kitu era human owendo carli vati: sotu virgila varlopetitch!
ANATOLE
For God's sake, he must be crazy! Just look at him! He sits down again as if nothing has happened!
Mr STONE
Each to his own.
ANATOLE
(suspicious)
I'd like to know what he's reading...
Mr STONE
Huh... Leave him alone.
(Anatole comes closer to the Stranger and grabs his book with a brusque gesture)
ANATOLE
Ha ha ha (to the Stranger) You don't boast that much now! Let's see what language this is.
(starts to leaf through. The Stranger isn't concerned)
ANATOLE
Really, this man is completely mad! (to Mr Stone) Would you like to see his book? Go on, look! Nothing! There is nothing in this book. Not a word. All the pages are blank. This man's pretending to read. Am I becoming mad? (He shows the book to Mr Stone more closely). Did you see? Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
Mr STONE
(Slightly surprised)
Yes, this is annoying.
ANATOLE
Annoying! You think this is annoying? You mean this is a tragedy!
Mr STONE
Tragic, mad, annoying... These things are all the same...
(They are interrupted by the return of Mrs Ermont. The Stranger retrieves his book quietly from Anatole's hands and sits down again. He seems to be looking for the page he was at and resumed his reading. Anatole still standing up, as if petrified)
Mrs ERMONT
(muttering)
It's incredible... I can't believe it... (to Mr Stone) You should have told me!
Mr STONE
I was not sure how to describe, to explain...
Mrs ERMONT
Even so... (to Anatole, who still doesn't move) You knew that...
ANATOLE
(noticing the presence of the old lady)
What?
Mrs ERMONT
(to Mr Stone)
Well, he doesn't look good...
Mr STONE
It's nothing. He'll get better.
ANATOLE
I've seen some things in my life... Yes, I've seen some things in my life... but this!
Mrs ERMONT
Why don't you carry on reading your newspaper; you'd feel better.
ANATOLE
You're right, it would do me good.
(Anatole watches the Stranger for a moment, who remains impassive. Then he sits down again, and resumes reading his newspaper)
Mr STONE
Everything going well in the... ?
Mrs ERMONT
Yes, it hasn't been very easy, but... only the result counts.
Mr STONE
Yes, it seems to me you feel better, don't you?
Mrs ERMONT
Do you think so? You must be right. (after a pause) Any news?
Mr STONE
News?
Mrs ERMONT
Yes, I mean another announcement?
Mr STONE
None.
Mrs ERMONT
After all, it doesn't matter. After all, we don't know what to expect, after all...
ANATOLE
(standing up brusquely)
What are we doing here? What are we waiting for exactly? Do you know?
Mr STONE
No.
ANATOLE
In that case, why do they keep us waiting?
Mr STONE
Well, there is no particular reason we are waiting; we might not have been waiting. Anyway, it's the same.
Mrs ERMONT
(to Anatole)
Indeed. There's no reason to get excited... (changing her mind) Even so, this is quite odd...
ANATOLE
Odd! It's inhuman! Yes, inhuman!
Mr STONE
Inhuman! Youre a bit harsh. As far as inhumanity goes, I personally put it in the corner of my sink, the right corner preferably, and wash it with Marseilles' soap.
ANATOLE
(taken aback for a while).
Excuse me?
Mr STONE
I said: I put it in the corner of my sink, the right corner preferably, and I wash it with Marseilles' soap.
ANATOLE
(apart)
He must be mad, too! (to Mr Stone) I don't want to offend you, Mister...
Mr STONE
Mr Stone, like a stone.
[...]
end of the excerpt