Title: Colours of my life

Author: Sardius

Category: Angst/Romance

Warnings: R for now (maybe NC-17 later)

Pairing: Yohji/Aya(Ran)

Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss Kreuz, it belongs to its creator and company. (sobs) if only they were mine....sniff sniff

Author's Note: Wai! YAY! Me got reviews! *Bows deeply* Thankyou all so much! Well things are finally starting to get under way b/w Yohji and Aya. Getting closer to what actually happened to our dear Ran...(which I still haven't decided yet! :p) Once again forgive me if there are grammar mistakes, english not my first language. Hp you like this part. Please review me at the end. Oh yeah and bit of Yaoi this time...nothing major. Oh and err bad language used. Gomen ~here's the fic~

Talking is a verbal gesture
Involves the inner self
You can say you care about someone
How many times you want
But humans think it's hard to believe
Something so simple as this
Just saying these simple words
Does not necessary means
Anything at all

Fujimiya Ran

"Because I care"............

I have never expected him to admit it. Not Yohji. Not him. A part of me really wanted to believe him but every person I have ever loved has always disappeared on me. I don't want that to happen to him. I don't need him to care about me.

But you do, don't you?

Damn it! No I don't! I don't need anyone's help let alone him. I have always survived on my own haven't I? Does he think that I'll believe his words? Just for that...

Yohji have not spoken to me since our last encounter. Omi and Ken came back wondering if we had a fight as usual. Hn...if you can even call that a fight. Its being almost 2 weeks now, but every time he walked past me, he always avoids my gaze. Is he ashamed of what he said? Most probably have realised it was a waste of time on me. Not that I would return his feelings.

I glanced over at my watch. It reads exactly 3am. I have stop going to sleep for a long time. Each night I would wake up from dreams about my parents or the countless people I have killed during each mission. I guess I should get use to it by no.... But seeing my parents reminds me of Aya, of Takitori and of the Ran I used to be....and what I have become.

I got up and made my way down the hallway intending to get a drink since I couldn't sleep anyway. No use sitting in bed and thinking about my dreams and......about him.

The apartment was quiet. Too quiet. Light is cast through the window creating shadows flickering along on the wall. As I walk past the balcony, there was a slight shift of movement. Who could be up at this time of the hour? Certainly not Ken or Omi. But then that would leave.....

.....Yohji

He was sitting outside against the railing, his legs stretched loosely on the floor. His hair was let loose, drifting along his shoulders. The light illuminates his high cheekbones and hard toned muscles underneath his skins. His eyes were deep shades of green as he turned towards me. A cigarette is flicking in his hands, the only source of light held between us. We stare at each other for a long time; the only sound could be heard was the rustling of the leaves.

"Can't sleep either?" he shifts around so he's looking back onto the streets. I stared at him for a long time, realising he has finally spoken to me since the past two weeks.

"Hn...." I replied. He chuckles. It was a deep throaty laugh breaking the still silence around us.

"Is that all you ever say Aya?"

".......No. Words are just words. It can't change anything."

He looks at me then raising his eyebrow as he stares straight through me. His gaze never left me as he studied my profile......It made me feel uncomfortable. And for once I feel venerable around him.

"I guess.....but sometimes it's the only thing left to believe."

I did not reply him and settled myself next to him. Silence had once again resurfaced between us and I did not intend to break the peace I found. Instead I took down some of his vodka and lit up one of his cigarettes. He looks at me in profound astonishment. Whether the smoke was calming me down or my minds so messed up, I've decided to settle with some company tonight.

I smirked. "What? You think you're the only one that's gonna die of lung cancer." I said as I took another puff of his cigarette. He doesn't move and yet we both feel the heat radiating from our bodies so as we sat so close together.

"Heh....just didn't think you were the type."

"Never judge what you can't see."

He takes the bottle from me and took a swift of his vodka as smoke blew slowly from the cigarette flicking in his hand. Hn...It seems I am the one that is constantly starring at him tonight. I still have not asked him about our earlier encounter. Should I? I may never get the chance again.

Time seems to freeze as we both gazed onto the streets ahead of us. For once we both appreciates the comfortable silence between us.

Finally I broke the silence.

"Why do you care Yohji?" I whispered. I've decided to be blunt and straight to the point.

He stiffens next to me not expecting I would get straight to the matter. However instead of avoiding my question he looks at me with such emotions in his eyes. Was it love, hate, or anger?

"Why do I care?....... I dunno Aya. I care because I see so much pain inside you. I care because you're the only person I feel comfortable with, I care because I considered you as my friend, I care because I know its all a mask you're putting on, most of all I care because its you. So stop giving me shits about me starring at you all the time because you're too god damn beautiful and I just want to help you okay."

It took me awhile to finally registered what he said......Me?.... Beautiful? I've never thought Yohji would find me beautiful let alone find me attractive. Isn't he straight?. And yet he says he cares......he wants to help me...

No Aya this isn't meant to happen. Don't believe his words. It's all a lie.....

I got up, decided to retreat to my bedroom. I suddenly wanted to just get away from him, just go anywhere, any place but here. He grabs onto my arm and twists me back to face him. I can see the anger in his jade green eyes. So much passion and emotions swirling in his eyes, so very different from mine, cold and emotionless.

"Don't fucking ignore me Aya! Don't you dare just walk out on me now! You wanted to know the answer and I gave it to you! "

"Let. Go. Of. Me" I hissed

"No I'm sick and tired of your attitude you arrogant bastard! You always fucking tell us what to do! Why the hell are you running Aya?! Why can't you accept help from people? Don't you even have any feelings at all? Are you that insane?"

I don't have feelings? I'm running away!? If I don't have feelings I wouldn't be seeking revenge for my family. If I don't have feelings I wouldn't hope each day Aya would wake up. What does he know about me?!!!......I feel my anger rising just from hearing his words. I jerk my arms from his grasp and kicked him in the stomach. He pulls back in reflex just missing from my kick.

If he wants reason I'll give it to him.

"What the fuck do you want me to do Yohji?!! Tell you everything about my past and everything is going to be fine again. I don't need your fucking help! Can't you see that? Or don't you have anything better to do in your screwed up mind and butt into other people's business! If I don't have feelings I wouldn't bloody be alive today! I wouldn't have to live through all this shit!"

He looks at me through fiery passion in his eyes. Both of us were panting from our outburst minutes ago. It hurt the things he said to me. Me have no feelings at all? Does he really think I'm that heartless? Suddenly, like water running down a drain my emotions was washed away, leaving me calm and emotionless once more. Slowly I turned away from him.

"So don't give me shit that you care about me Yohji because you know nothing." I whispered sadly.

With that I left him to his thoughts, intending to head up to my room and block his words out of my mind. Maybe I was too careless in my thoughts, or I was just too emotionally torn, I did not realised when he pulled me around, slamming me against the wall and kissed me roughly on the lips. I struggled against him, pushing him away with all my strength but he grabs onto my hands, pinning them on either side. His tongue thrust into my mouth demanding entrance. I gasped and mumbled erratically about the sudden intrusion but that only further deepens the kiss. His tongue flicked across mine leaving me breathless and panting for me. He dips in for another kiss sealing his lips with mine. He taste so sweet, every touch of his was like fire. He slowly lets go of my hands as I wrapped my arms around his neck losing myself into him, sinking further into the darkness, his passion banishing my thoughts.

* * * * * *



God! I never knew Aya would taste this good! Like sweet roses. So sweet and soft. I wanted to get more of him. He struggled against me, clutching at my shoulders, trying to push me away but I have far more the strength and the height than him. As he struggled and mumbles curses at me, I gathered his hands and pinned him against the wall. He seems to have realised he cannot get away and slowly his body began to limp against mine, responding to my kiss. His arms circled around my neck, grasping onto my hair.

I have never wanted anyone so much. I can taste the pain still lingering from him just moments before. I have never seen Aya loses his temper in front of any of us. Always the cool, self-emotionless leader. Always in control. I wanted to feel every part of him, warp his body in my arms, hear him gasping my name.

A voice erupted bringing me back to reality. Aya pushes me down onto the floor. Panting, his hair was tangled, his shirt was half opened, exposing large span of smooth pale skin, his pale lips was slightly bruised from our rough encounter. He was simply breathtaking.

He looks at me. All emotions drained out of his eyes and ran back inside the apartment and disappeared into the hallway. A loud bang was heard as his door was closed and locked.

Shit! What the hell happened? One minute Aya was in his arms and the next he's back coped up in his room. Realisations strike through me. Aya was afraid! I wanted to help him and instead I ended up losing control. Fuck! He'd probably would never trust me again. God Yohji can't you not listen to your hormones for once.

I hastily gathered my cigarette packs and stumbled my way up the stairs. The light has been turned off in Aya's room but I know he's not asleep. I stood in front of his door and wished I could think of something to say. Will he even forgive me this time?

"I'm sorry Aya", I whispered. I don't know if he heard me as I went back to the darkness of my room feeling more alone than ever.

* * * * * *

~TBC~

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