One Art

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster

The art of losing’s not too hard to master

Sometimes when we think the past is done and over with, it surprises us by coming back…

May 1997

Aya woke up in a cold sweat. It had been a while since he had woken up breathing like he had run a mile. Sitting up, the redhead pulled his knees up and rested his chin on them. The curtains moved with the slow rhythm of the wind while the air caressed Aya’s hair.

He felt his eyes water but refused to let the tears fall. He would not be reduced to a crying idiot yet. That didn’t mean he was strong; he was just afraid that once he started to cry, he wouldn’t be able to stop.

It had taken him a long time to get Yohji out of his mind and that bastard just messing with his head had brought all the memories back. Why did he have to start it again - the annoying laugh invading his thoughts once more?

/Don’t you like me anymore kitten? /

Red brows knotted in frustration. Being left alone was all he wanted, at least while he was sleeping, but it seemed as if the German didn’t sleep.

/So sweet. You still think about the one that got away/ the laugh seemed amplified in his head.

Aya didn’t care. He wasn’t about to start crying because he couldn’t take it anymore. Turning his eyes toward the corner of the room where his katana was propped, the redhead thought about what it would feel like to run that sword through him. What had the first man he’d killed felt? His mind wasn’t tormenting him, that’s for sure.

/He is in hell. You sent him there, remember? /

"Shut up"

/ You’re so predictable. Always trying to shut me out. By now you should know it doesn’t work. /

Aya knew he shouldn’t fall into the trap the German was setting, but being alone at night was causing him to fall into deeper depression. He shouldn’t talk to the German in a moment of weakness, but he really wanted to know.

" Stop. Why do you bother me?"

/Maybe I like talking to you. What are you afraid of? That you will like it? /

"Maybe I do…"

Yohji woke up feeling content. Opening his eyes, he saw Aya still sleeping beside him. Ever since they had started sleeping together, Ran always found the energy to leave the room during course of the night, but today, he had remained. The blonde started smiling then: Aya hadn’t escaped. Maybe he had been too exhausted. The thought just made his smile widen. Just seeing the redhead sleeping beside him made him want to take him again. Aya moved and mumbled something in his sleep before turning his back at Yohji. Yohji watched all this with an amused smile; he had never woken up beside Aya so he really didn’t know the guy’s sleeping habits. One thing that he had learned since sleeping together was that Aya mumbled a lot during sleep. It was almost as if he were having conversations with himself. The blonde scooted up to hug Aya from behind, loving the feel of skin against skin. Trailing feathery kisses along Aya’s shoulders, he felt the redhead tense up before mumbling something about still being tired.

" Yohji…I’m tired…"

"I’m that good?"

Aya snorted at the comment and turned to face the blonde.

Yohji saw Aya eye him; it was as if Aya was gauging his reaction to see if he regretted still being in bed with him, which was a ridiculous thought since Yohji had been the one to chase him around the house.

" Ran, what’s wrong?"

Aya’s eyes widened slightly before his face closed off of all emotion and he started to get up. " I need a shower."

Yohji chuckled.

" What’s so funny?"

" You’re blushing."

" I’m not," said Aya in a semi-pout.

Yohji smiled and got up to embrace the redhead. Aya reluctantly returned the embrace, thinking more about how he was going to flee a situation that had suddenly gotten out of his control.

" Go take your shower," said Yohji after feeling like he’d embarrassed the redhead enough.

Aya was happy to comply.

" You have a new mission," said Manx seriously as she inserted the video into the VCR. Persia’s image came onscreen, explaining how prostitutes had been found dead and how it is suspected that an organization named Riot was involved.

Yohji’s attention sparked when he heard Riot mentioned. Manx turned off the VCR once the message was done.

" So who’s in?"

Yohji was determined to do this mission by himself. "I’m going alone." He received blank stares from everyone. The blonde stared back before leaving the room.

" Yohji…" Yohji knew it was only a matter of time before Ran would come looking for him. Ran was like that, never wanting people to know that something bothered him when it did. But Yohji didn’t feel like being helpful at the moment.

" Ran…"

" Are you okay?" Yohji almost felt like smiling: Ran didn’t want to show that he was curious.

" I’m fine."

" Then…" a heartfelt sigh " Why do you want to do this mission by yourself?"

Shrugging, Yohji got up from his position on the bed to embrace the redhead. "Don’t worry about it. It’s just something I have to deal with."

Ran turned to look at him, not saying anything. Perhaps he knew Yohji wouldn’t say anything or some part of his mind was beginning to put things together. A slight nod was all Ran gave Yohji before breaking the embrace and leaving the room. Yohji sighed. He felt bad for not telling Ran, but Ran wouldn’t be able to understand. This was his mission. Maybe it was the only chance he had to redeem himself. Even if Ran didn’t understand, he was going ahead with it and hopefully when he came gave the redhead would understand.

Yohji woke up smiling slightly both girls were asleep. Now he had an excuse to get out of his room and finally gather the information needed to bring the organization down. As he walked through the halls with his bathrobe, he passed two guards. Over the years, the blonde had learned that in order for people to take you seriously, you had to take yourself seriously. The contrary also applied. That was the reason it was easier for him to gather information; nobody expected a carefree playboy to be an assassin. Finally out of the view of the guards, the blonde stripped off the robe and replaced it with a black tight body suit. Maybe doing this would allow him to finally find peace.

Then, he heard voices. Frantically searching for a place to hide, he started trying doors until one gave, only to discover that it wasn’t the best one.

Aya looked out the window for about the fifth time that hour. He was worried. It was never easy to go on a solo mission a lot of things could go wrong. A sigh escaped and he hated himself for it. It was pathetic, really pathetic the way he felt that he had some say over Yohji simply because they had been sleeping together for a while. Aya had entered the relationship with open eyes; he knew how Yohji was. The moment a person gave himself to Yohji was the moment the blond lost interest. A chuckle escaped the redhead.

" I dug this hole myself."

Yohji heard a shuffling in the room, which made him turn around suddenly. A girl, tied up, looked at him with anger-filled eyes. The blonde smiled, trying to put her at ease but she just kept staring at him. Crouching, the blonde removed the cloth covering her mouth.

" Who are you?" The girl didn’t seem very happy to see him but he couldn’t blame her. Being tied and gagged for who knew how long wouldn’t put him in a good mood either.

" A friend. I’ll untie you and be on my way."

" Are you a spy?"

A small chuckle escaped the blonde. " Nothing as romantic as that."

"Take me with you."

A blonde eyebrow rose. " Are you crazy?"

" If you don’t take me with you, I’ll scream." And the girl went ahead to show how she would scream if her warning wasn’t heeded. Yohji hastily covered her mouth, giving her a cold-stare.

" Okay, okay, just be quiet."

The girl smiled.

Walking out of the room, the girl quickly led him to a room with a computer. Yohji began downloading all the information he needed to give Omi. The blonde began getting nervous when he heard the guard running down the hall and the download wasn’t done yet.

" Hurry, they’re coming."

" I know." He was getting frustrated. As glad as he was to help this girl, Yohji disliked being pressured. As it was, he was getting stressed.

The download finally completed with a small beep. "Let’s go."

As they ran through the hallways, Yohji began to worry about what would happen if he didn’t get out of here. He was good at escaping but that was if he was alone. With a girl along for the ride, Yohji didn’t know if he could do it.

Aya sat staring out his window. He was tired. That was the only reason he had woken up with Yohji a few days ago: he was tired of hearing his thoughts tormenting him every time he was alone. He hadn’t always been like this. There had been a time when a good night’s sleep meant that he would stop thinking and, for lack of a better phrase, became dead to the world. It meant peace of mind for the eight hours he slept. Yet now, sleep meant going into the past and remembering all the things he’d done, all the things he should’ve done … like kill that German bastard. It still confused him why he hadn’t done it, why he hadn’t killed the German or himself to stop the suffering. There were nights like this that he just wanted to go to the hospital and just cut off his sister’s oxygen and run his sword through his chest to stop everything. They would both be more at peace.

[Because you would be dead then]

At least that was an option that always remained open. He loved his sister but sometimes, things were a little too much even for him. He wasn’t born an assassin. He sure as hell hadn’t wanted to become one. He had wanted to be a banker, have a normal life, have a family, have Aya awake and living her own life. See his friends…

The redhead blinked when he felt a tear slide down his cheek. Annoyed, he swiped the tear off his face as a wry smile spread across his features.

" This is fucking ridiculous. Now I’m acting like a woman."

Yohji was happy; they had managed to get away from the hotel. Well technically, that didn’t mean they had stopped pursuing him. Scowling, the blonde floored the gas, trying to get away without getting injured or attracting too much attention. But it seemed luck wasn’t on his side as he felt rather than heard a bullet hit him. He bit his lip, trying to keep focused instead of collapsing as his body wanted to do.

" They’re coming up on your side!" screamed the girl. The blonde swerved the car in that direction but that made him lose control of the car and crash against a wall.

" Shit…Okay, let’s move." The girl’s eyes widened but she tried not to show how nervous she really was.

The girl helped Yohji walk once she noticed he was injured. They walked into a secluded garage and waited for the worse to pass.

" What’s your name?" asked Yohji, trying to make conversation. Their heavy breathing was making him a bit uncomfortable. Besides which, it was making him think of where he’d rather be.

" Maki," The girl wasn’t bad looking, with her purple hair and bright blue eyes. Her eyes looked old for her age. Yohji placed her a little bit under 20. " And yours?"

" Friends call me Yohji, at your service," as he gave her his most charming smile.

" Yohji, what were you doing in there?"

Yohji was silent for a while before answering. " I was tying up some loose ends. And you?"

The girl smiled wryly, " I was trying to leave, but as they say, your past always catches up to you."

" Do I know that." And they both laughed.

" Moshi, moshi," answered Omi trying to sound cheerful.

# Your friend is hurt#

" Huh? What?"

"# You’re a friend of Yohji’s, aren’t you? #

" Uh…yeah"

# He’s hurt. We are being chased and there’s no way he can get away, not injured like he is. Oh shit! #

Omi only heard gunshots on the other end. He tried to get the girl to answer but received no answer.

"We will go after Riot tonight," said Aya, trying not to sound concerned about the blonde. He was angry that he was concerned. He shouldn’t be. There were more important things that needed to be done. None of those things involved Yohji in any way so he would do well to get those idiotic ideas out of his head.

" Aya-kun? What about Yohji-kun?"

" He’s of no use to us. We leave him here."

Ran had been more than angry when he saw Yohji approach the building. He just hoped the blonde was not so doped up that he hadn’t noticed the look he gave him. The redhead knew that most of the time, he acted like a bastard but he had felt sorry for the young girl that had helped Yohji. They found her hanging from the ceiling, hands tied behind her back. There was no way she could have escaped, but those bastards still tortured her to death. Riot abused the power they believed they had; [well Weiss had reminded those bastards what it was to feel pain. Even if it was too fast.] Ran was sure the girl had suffered longer than the ones they had killed.

It scared Ran when he started thinking this way. It usually meant that either he was on the brink of snapping or doing something idiotic.

[Like sleep with your teammates]

He sighed. He was just so tired; the whole ordeal had taken more out of him than he had originally thought. The idea of having to climb the stairs to go to his room was making him even more tired.

"Ran"

Startled, the redhead turned to see Yohji leaning on the stair rail, waiting for him.

"Yohji---what’s wrong?"

The blonde’s eyes were widened as if he were afraid … maybe to be alone.

" Can’t sleep. Will you sleep with me?"

Ran sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "I’m tired Yohji."

" No, it’s nothing like that. I---I—I just don’t want to sleep alone."

Ran sighed and climbed up the stairs and was startled when Yohji hugged him. " I know you’re mad at me, but could you just pretend for a while."

Ran wasn’t mad anymore, annoyed was more like it but seeing Yohji in this state was enough to make him forget about his anger. "Shh…it’s okay," said the redhead embracing the blonde.

Yohji held on to him tightly as if he were afraid Ran would disappear. Breaking the embrace, Yohji led Ran into his room. The redhead took off his coat and boots before sitting on the bed. Yohji did the same.

" What’s wrong? Was it the girl?"

Yohji smiled wryly. " Do you remember Asuka?" Ran nodded. " Do you remember when I told you how she died? How she tried to save me? Maki’s dead because she tried to save me."

Ran remained silent. There really wasn’t a thing he could say. If the blonde wanted to take the blame, there really wasn’t a thing Ran could do to prevent it.

" You’re just tired. Get some rest and you will feel better tomorrow."

" No I won’t."

" Let’s pretend for a while."

Ran woke up. There was something that had woken him up but it couldn’t have been Yohji for the blonde was out cold. Exhaustion must have finally caught up with him. The redhead reached up to caress Yohji’s face, this being the only time he allowed himself that luxury.

" I could almost love you."

/Isn’t that nice? The little assassin falls in love/

Ran tensed up. Oh shit…he didn’t think he could go through this again.

/Miss me? /

/I did not. Leave me alone. /

/Oh, so now that you have a lover, you don’t want me? He doesn’t love you. /

/I know that. /

/No you don’t. You still have your high school crush. /

/Shut up. Leave me alone. /

/What would your dear Aya-chan say if she knew her brother spreads his legs like a little bitch? /

Ran closed his eyes, trying to control his breathing. This was too much, too much for one day.

/Go away. Get out my head/

/Oh, so much control. Do you remember our little sessions? I miss them. I miss the way your skin felt. Maybe if I had kept it up, you would have spread your legs for me. /

/SHUT UP!!!/

/Just remember one thing. No one will love you, no one can. You belong to me, I made you what you are, and don’t you forget that. Your blonde toy only wants an easy fuck and you gave it to him. When he gets tired of having to fuck through the ass, he’ll go back to chasing skirts./

Ran kept his eyes closed, feeling lightheaded all of a sudden. That bastard, why did he torment him? His dreams were enough. The blonde stirred, hugging Ran’s waist to draw him closer. It was just too much. The redhead removed the arm carefully, trying not to wake the blonde.

" Asuka, don’t leave the door open. You know I hate it."

Ran froze. A sob escaped his lips. It meant nothing. Nothing that orange haired fucker said was true. But that didn’t mean that Ran always listened to what he thought. He was scared. He was new at this relationship stuff and Yohji liked women. More than that…how long would it take for Yohji to get tired of him? He didn’t want to know. If he felt nothing, then he wouldn’t get hurt.

"I’m not Asuka…" whispered the redhead and with that, walked out the door.

[If I don’t feel anything, I won’t get hurt]

He wasn’t planning on going back.

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