Spent Night
Chapter 4
Yohji kept watching Aya while he ate. Something was wrong but he couldn’t put his finger on what it was. He knew that the redhead was avoiding his gaze, but what he didn’t know was why.
"Did something happen while I was gone?"
Aya stiffened and stilled in the picking at his food. " No."
Yohji stopped chewing and stared. "You are lying."
" I am not. I don’t know why you don’t trust me! Do I need to be in a fucking hospital for you to trust me!?"
" Aya, I was just…"
" Save it. Fuck!" said the redhead, scraping his chair across the floor and walking out of the room.
" Aya…wait!" Yohji followed closely, wondering what had made Aya so jumpy, but the redhead kept on walking and shut himself in the bathroom. Yohji knocked, trying to get the redhead to listen but it was all to no avail.
Aya was in the bathroom trying to get his breathing back to normal. His body ached and he was getting paranoid that Yohji was going to be able to see through him. Afraid he would see that he was worse than before, that he was killing people without even realizing it.
"Damn…damn it!" whispered the redhead, drawing his knees up to his chest. He was losing his mind and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. A small high-pitched giggle escaped him, making him wonder whether or not he wasn’t crazy already. " I just want my life back."
You can’t get it back. You know why?
No…
Because you need us. You’re fucking lost without us and it’s about damn time you realized that.
No I don’t need you…
You’ve needed us from the day OUR family died. So now, you are going to open the fucking door and tell him you’re okay.
I am not okay. I can’t lie to him.
Do it, or you will regret it. You remember all those bodies? Nothing will be left of him if you force me to take over. You understand?
Aya was shaking so hard his joints were aching. No, no he couldn’t risk Yohji, he just couldn’t. Why was Gendo speaking that way? He had never been that aggressive…
" Aya, open the fucking door! Aya, please, sweetie, open up." Aya turned toward the door, reaching for the doorknob even though his hand was shaking uncontrollably. He had to do this. Opening the door, Yohji reached for him and almost crushed him with a hug.
"Why did you do that? What’s going on? Please Aya, trust me…"
" Don’t worry," said Aya, caressing Yohji’s face. " Everything is okay."
" No, it’s not! You’re losing it. Maybe…"
" I am fine." Aya had an almost dead look to him, like he had given up.
" Aya, please, I need you to tell me what’s wrong," said Yohji while he took Aya’s face in his hands. "It’s eating at you."
" I’m fine now," answered the redhead, pulling away from Yohji. " I have to be."
Yohji watched as his lover slept. This afternoon, he had thought that Aya was going to do something stupid. He had that look he had whenever he didn’t care what happened to him. At least for now, Aya was sleeping quietly; once in a while, a frown would cross his face but it was quickly gone.
The blonde didn’t know what Aya was going through but Aya was expecting him to put him in a hospital again. Yohji didn’t think Aya even realized mentioning that.
Yohji gently caressed Aya’s face, unconsciously Aya leaned into the touch.
" I am sorry. Please forgive me." Aya continued to sleep but a small smile spread across his face. Yohji hoped it was for him.
Waking up, the blonde assumed he had fallen asleep as he watched over Aya, but when he stretched his arm to touch the redhead, there was nothing. Bolting out of bed, the blonde tried to calm down, thinking that maybe Aya had just gone to the bathroom or to get a glass of water. He did that every night. It was okay.
Holding his breath, Yohji expected nobody to answer, "Aya? You alright?" He let out the breath he had been keeping in when he heard Aya answer.
" I’m fine, just getting a little air. Give me a minute." The redhead sounded tired.
" Okay…you had me worried." A small chuckle was the response Yohji got.
Aya was in the other room shaking. Not again, not again. He had woken up in the sofa holding a bloody katana between his gloved fingers. There wasn’t much blood except for the little puddle that had dripped from the weapon. He had almost screamed until he remembered that Yohji was in the next room sleeping.
Sleeping? I don’t even remember going to bed.
He took off his work clothes and cleaned around him as best he could before going to the kitchen and grabbing a glass of water. That was when Yohij’s voice almost made him drop the glass.
" Aya, are you alright?"
No, but I can’t tell you that.
" I’m fine. Just getting a little air. Give me a minute."
Aya pressed his forehead against the kitchen wall while he tried to bring his breathing back to normal. If he went to bed breathing like this, Yohji was bound to notice and ask him what was wrong. He was beginning to hate that question.
" Okay…you had me worried." The redhead chuckled at the idea. He was also worried about himself. Waking up dressed in his assassin gear and holding a bloody katana was not his concept of being okay. When he finally felt that his body had stopped shaking, he walked to the bedroom and put the glass on the night table before going to the bathroom to get some sleeping pills. He looked at the bottle and raised his eyes to look himself in the mirror. He looked like shit. He hated how he looked; no wonder Yohji kept worrying about him.
He was only supposed to take one pill.
What would happen if I took three? Would it kill him? Aya opened the bottle and poured three pills onto his palm before closing the bottle again. Walking silently to the room, he sat on the bed before he put the pills in his mouth and drank the water to swallow them. Closing his eyes, he let his head hang down while he toyed with the now empty glass in his hands.
" Aya? You should get some sleep."
" Aa…"
" Did you take something?"
" Aa…"
Lifting his eyes from his hands, Aya gazed at the wall opposite him, trying to figure out what he was going to do. It was making his head hurt and he was no closer to an answer. Sighing, he climbed into bed and watched Yohji’s face. Would Yohji hate him if he knew? Will he get me committed again? He closed his eyes and shuddered at that thought. When he opened his eyes, he was startled to find Yohji watching him.
" You should sleep," said the playboy, moving closer to hug the redhead. Aya snuggled up to the blonde, needing the comfort that Yohji offered. Nobody could hurt him while Yohji protected him … nobody except himself.
" I’m just so tired."
" I know," answered Yohji, before he lowered his head and kissed him. "Just try not to think."
" Hn…easy for you to say."
Yohji woke up to easy warmth and the rays of the sun hitting his face. Aya was still sleeping and Yohji didn’t want to wake him up after all the trouble he went through to fall asleep. Extracting himself from Aya’s embrace, the blonde walked to the bathroom to relieve himself. He took about five minutes to brush his teeth and wash his face. When he came out, he was surprised to see Aya was still out cold. The redhead was a light sleeper; it was a bad trait because at the slightest noise, he would wake up. Of course, it was necessary in their trade but it annoyed Yohji to no ends.
" Aya?" whispered the blonde. The redhead didn’t even frown. That’s when Yohji’s breath started to come faster.
"Aya?" This time he shook Aya’s shoulder to get him to wake up. The redhead didn’t even twitch.
" Aya?"
Aya didn’t respond to any movement and it was then that Yohji started to panic. Picking up the redhead and feeling for a pulse, he found a slow steady one. Apart from the pulse and shallow breathing, the redhead could’ve been dead for all the response he gave.
"Damn it, Aya!" said Yohji, dropping the redhead on the bed. Aya didn’t even move.
Sometimes Yohji wondered why the hell he even bothered. Most of the time, it was more trouble than it was worth. It was frustrating enough having to deal with the constant mood changes of his lover, but now this shit. Everybody had his or her breaking point and this was his. As soon as Aya woke up, Yohji was moving out for a while. Sadly, the blonde didn’t know the consequences of his actions.
Yohji was sleeping on the couch, reflecting on what he was to do while the smoke of his cigarette curled and danced in front of his face. It had already been two weeks since he had told Aya that he needed some space, some time to think. Two weeks that Aya’s face had haunted him. He should’ve waited, but at the time, he had been so angry, he almost ran out the door. Aya had only nodded and locked himself in the bathroom while he packed. That was the last time Yohji had seen the redhead. Omi and Ken had gone to see Aya because calling was no use. The phone went unanswered as well as the door when the two young assassins had gone. So they used Yohji’s key but the redhead wasn’t there. The place was impeccable but the bedroom had been a disaster.
According to Omi, clothes were thrown everywhere, the bed was unmade and there were two new bottles of Seroquel. That was what worried Yohji the most - the new bottles of sleeping pills.
"Fuck it." Yohji reached out for the phone and dialed the apartment’s number. It rang about four times and Yohji was about to give up when it was answered.
# Hello? #
" Aya?"
# Oh, it’s you. #
Yohji frowned at the statement. Aya didn’t sound mad: he sounded tired.
" Are you okay?"
# Aa, I was about to take a nap. #
" You sound tired. Are you okay? I could come over?"
# I’m fine Yohji. # A little frustration seeping through. # Don’t worry about me. I will be fine; I know how to take care of myself. So you can just stop calling me or sending Ken and Omi to come check on me, okay? #
" Aya, I’m just worried…"
# I’m not the one who left. Goodbye. #
"Aya…" But the line had already gone dead.
" Yohji-kun?"
Yohji turned to the doorway when he heard Omi’s voice. Omi was looking at him with worried eyes.
" Hey, Kiddo. How’s it going?" Omi gave him a small smile before sauntering into the room and sitting on the couch.
"Yohji, you don’t have to act like nothing is happening. What’s wrong with Aya?"
Yohji’s smile faded as he avoided Omi’s gaze.
" I dunno. I have no idea. You know what the worse thing is?" Yohji lifted his gaze toward Omi. Omi shook his head.
" I think it’s the same thing that happened two years ago."
" You mean?"
Yohji slowly nodded. " Yes. He’s been acting weird again, but now he’s afraid of me so he hides things. I’ve tested him, you know? I feel horrible afterwards but I want to know if he just forgets or doesn’t remember."
" H-how do you test him?"
" I do stuff I wouldn’t usually do and see if he remembers me telling him. Like doing the laundry or buying groceries. Sometimes, he does remember, but most of the time he doesn’t. Last time I left town, I called him twice, once to check on him and the second to tell him I was arriving early. I got back and he was sleeping. He didn’t remember I was supposed to get back early."
Omi looked at him with sad eyes.
" Yohji-kun, maybe you should go see him. Check on him."
Yohji thought about it for a moment and realized that he missed Aya terribly and would like to see him again. " Yeah, maybe I’ll do that."
Yohji arrived at the apartment an hour later. It had taken him longer to build up the nerve to see Aya again. Aya was angry with him, that much he had sensed when he had called him. However, when he walked up to the apartment, he could hear the music blasting from within.
" What the hell…"
Aya hated loud music, especially the kind of techno music that was playing right now. Yohji doubted Aya would hear the doorbell with all that noise so he simply used his key and entered the apartment.
The apartment was completely dark but the blonde could see some light streaming under the bedroom door. He was about to call his lover’s name when he heard voices.
" You are compromising all of us."
" You would think that, as anal retentive as you are."
" Ryo, you are going to make him mad."
" Shut up, Kid. Nobody asked you."
" I am not a kid."
" Ryo, leave at once! I will not let you interfere with our mission because you want to get fucked."
" Alright! Damn, you’re uptight."
Yohji walked into the room and saw Aya standing in front of the mirror, a weird statement on his face.
" Aya?"
Aya turned toward the door’s entrance, startled. "Yohji! What-what are you doing here?"
Yohji raised an eyebrow in regards to the way the redhead was dressed.
" Going somewhere?"
" Um...no…"
" Well, the way you’re dressed would suggest otherwise."
"Huh?" Aya looked down at himself, blushing. Yohji could see what was going on in those beautiful eyes. Aya wasn’t very good at hiding his emotions when he was scared.
"I love how you look dressed in leather."
Aya went pale and hastily started removing his clothes. Walking toward Aya, Yohji put a hand over one of Aya’s pale one, stopping the redhead from ripping the shirt he was attempting to take off.
"Aya, how many sleeping pills have you been taking?"
Aya stopped at the question and his eyes flickered toward the nightstand. Yohji turned, walking toward the table and picking one of the empty bottles.
" Aya! How many pills have you been taking?"
Aya looked surprised before becoming cold and emotionless. Yohji was surprised at Aya’s reaction. He had not seen that statement on Aya in a long time.
" It’s not of your business."
" It is! You can OD during one of your stupid pranks!"
" I know what I’m doing," said the redhead before walking into the bathroom and locking himself.
Yohji could feel the rage boiling to a surface and did the only thing he could. He threw the bottle at the bathroom door before flopping into the bed raking a hand through his hair.
" Fuck!" He was beyond angry right now, but he forced himself to calm down. Getting up, he gave a quick glance around the room, eyeing the mess. It was messy, even for him.
" This place is a dump," he sighed before starting to clean the room.
TBC